"Angels and Dumbasses"

So, I went and took in that "Angels and Demons" film. Actually, it's a movie, not a film. A film has those annoying words flashing up on the bottom of the screen with a bunch of folks speaking in gibberish. Movies? Well, they sometimes have words popping up at the bottom of the screen, but most of the time there's some English between explosions.

Obi Wan Kenobi is still wearing the robe, but he never whipped out the light sabre...not even to practice. That guy who talks to a volleyball was in this one. I, also, have this vague memory of the same guy putting on a dress years ago and hanging out with some other guy in a dress. Everyone else reminded me of the people who lived at that Florida retirement home on the Seinfeld episode where Jerry hooks his old man up with a new Cadillac. You know...simple, naive and born to be extras.

I know it was pure fiction, because the super collider scene was in Sweden, and I didn't see one Muslim brandishing a protest sign or lighting a car on fire...not one.

As far as the plot goes, I wasn't very impressed. I guess my main gripe is that "The Da Vinci Code" actually takes place after "Angels and Demons." Yet, with the magic time machine of Hollywood (sometimes borrowed by the Associated Press) they somehow reversed them. I suppose it wasn't very important...you know...consistency. Besides, as you traipse through each and every scene of "Angels and Demons" as the Illuminati is applied again and again ad nausea to explain the plot one has to wonder how the Illuminati was able to effect Vatican city centuries before they were ever...you know...created.

Again, I suspect the Associated Press and their time machine...the bastards.

I thought the movie was watchable. I, especially, enjoyed the "Godfather" type rhetoric and speaking cadence of the Cardinals. Brando would have made a great Cardinal. I thought it was a hoot when the volleyball guy was at the "obscure chapel" looking for the Bernini sculpture of "The Ecstasy of St. Teresa" and little Ronnie Howard zoomed in on a male couple together looking sinister in what was likely an inside joke meant for the Catholic church and their aversion to homosexuality. Me? I was shocked by the one dude's haircut. It was creepy.

I'm not Catholic. I'm not particularly religious with the exception of that time I fell asleep at the wheel and woke up in the wrong lane. However, that was a couple years ago, and I've recovered to my heathen ways long since then. I do, however, very much enjoy historical references in fictionalized stories. I prefer if they are done above a third grade level, though. I think Dan Brown was an elemenary school drop out...or maybe he'll just borrow the time machine and go back to finish up later.

I'll give this flick a sideways thumb. That way, even if you don't agree, maybe you'll give me a ride.

The Worm