Tuesday, December 23, 2008

"Booty Camp"

Sarah was tall, brunette and beautiful in a blue, skintight dress. After chatting with her for 15 minutes at The Spotted Pig in the West Village, it was time to move in for the digits.

"You should give me your number," I said as a statement instead of a request, just as they taught me at Love Systems boot camp for would-be pickup artists.

"Why don't you just give me your e-mail address?" she replied.

The odds of her actually e-mailing me seemed to fall somewhere between unlikely and impossible. So I stammered, searching for a suave response.
"Booty Camp?" (shrugs)...the approach was weak. It might have worked with a swinging pocket watch and hypnosis...but overall...weak.

Here...try some of mine:

1. Can I buy you a drink...or should I just give you the money?

2. Ummmm...it seems I lost my cute little puppy around here somewhere. I'm going across the street to that hotel that charges by the hour to see if she went over there...will you help me?

3. Or...you could just be yourself (unless you're a jerk)...show interest by asking more than telling...truly listen to her answers, and don't interject "advice" or "solutions" to things she might be dealing with unless asked. That is nothing but arrogant narcisism. It other words...you have two ears...use them. If you want to show respect to someone...LISTEN.

So ends the Worm's Christmas tips for dating...Of course, this is New York we're talking about here...so flash the Rolex whenever you can.