Saturday, March 14, 2009

Turkey basters are the Devil's work...

A Pittsfield woman who attacked her wife with a “turkey baster” and her brother’s semen in a bid to inseminate her has been charged with domestic assault and battery, the Berkshire Eagle reported.

The newspaper said Pittsfield police arrested Stephanie K. Lighten, 26, after a wild incident spilled out into the street.

Jennifer A. Lighten, 33, reportedly told cops Stephanie Lighten had been talking about inseminating her “for some time” before she came home “all liquored up” and came at her with what she called a “turkey baster and her brother’s semen in a sealed container” and assaulted her on the couch. Cops said it was actually a large plastic syringe with a catheter tip.
What do you think guys? Can this be considered rape? We have two women...a turkey baster...and a brother's semen.

I'm going with...yes...this is rape, but since we're dealing with Massachusetts, I'm going to say that the non-present brother and donor of the baster batter can be charged with "indirect astral projection rape with intent to impregnate."

Police reportedly were willing to file an attempted rape charge, but Jennifer Lighten declined.
Oh Ho...I stand corrected. On a sad note, I don't think I can quite get past the turkey baster thing, and will likely suffer through dry poultry for the rest of my natural life.